Survive - AceTheBase - Helluva Boss (Web Series) [Archive of Our Own] (2024)

Blitz watched as Moxxie and Millie packed up after a successful mission. “Well, that went great! No injuries or even blood stains! Just a well done job.”

“Yep, see you tomorrow, Boss!” Millie chimed as Moxxie grabbed her hand.

“Bye, sir.”

As they retreated, Blitz kept a smile plastered on his face until he was sure they had left for good and hadn’t accidentally left anything behind. Then he locked the door to his office and watched Helluva Novella til he cried his eyes out for the second time this week. Satan f*cking damn it, he missed Stolas and would give anything to be with him again. He’d even watch that stupid show with him without complaining and take him on romantic dates, not caring how that would affect his tough guy image he had spent years cultivating. With a soft sigh, he pulled out his phone and opened Stolas’s contact.

B: im sorey for hrutin yuo

That’s not good enough. He deleted it without a second thought.

B: im soree i hutr yu

sh*t, that won’t f*cking do. Stolas needs an apology worthy of a prince. He deleted it without another thought.

B: im sorey im not god enogh

No, I’m not supposed to hate myself like that.

He groaned in frustration as he deleted his third failed apology before taking one of his blades and slashing at the white skin of his arms. If it scarred, no one would be able to tell. With each cut, he cried less until he felt nothing but numbness and emptiness. No shame, no hatred, just an empty void in his chest.

Getting up, he mechanically washed away the blood and bandaged it, already planning his excuse for Loona when she inevitably smelled the blood on him. “Nothing major, Loony. Just caught my arm on the door and got cut. No need to worry,” he rehearsed quietly on his way to the car. He noticed a note on his windshield.

“You’re still a f*cking piece of sh*t and a heartbreaker who doesn’t deserve to take up space -Verosika Mayday”

Blitz crumpled up the note and tucked it into his jacket pocket. He felt sick reading that. At least she’s keeping her venom confined to just me. She better be. With that thought, Blitz started the car and drove to his apartment.

****

He practically crawled through the front door, exhausted and filled with bitterness. “You reek and you’re late. What happened?” Loona asked as a greeting.

“Sorry, sweetie. Took a nap at the office then caught my arm on the f*cking doorjam. Got a cut but nothing major. Already cleaned it up and bandaged it.” He wasn’t about to admit to his daughter that the reason he was late was that he was sulking and missing his…f*ck buddy? There wasn’t really a word to describe what his situation with Stolas was and he wasn’t about to try.

She looked at him skeptically but accepted his excuse. “Okay, but take a f*cking shower. You’re sweaty and you’ve been crying.” Blitz nodded as she went back to her room.

The shower turned on with a hiss and Blitz stepped into the stream of cold water, shivering as he did so. “How the f*ck am I suppose to survive when my world’s been knocked off its f*cking axis?” He curled up in on himself and cried as silently as he could before cleaning himself up and plastering on a fake smile. He would not be a mess in front of his daughter. That’d be reserved for in private.

****

Blitz awoke the next day with no particular plan or motivation. He went into the office like usual and locked himself up. Looking over the schedule, Moxxie and Millie could handle it. All the missions were mild today; there was nothing particularly dangerous. He could curl up inside the gaping abyss he felt.

“Sir?” Moxxie asked, knocking on the door. “Are you okay?”

“Just feeling a little sick. You and Millie got the missions today?”

“We do…but are you sure you’re just sick?”

“I’m f*cking sick, Moxxie! Leave me alone!”

“...alright, sir. But call us if you need anything. Millie and I want to help.” With that, Moxxie left.

Blitz curled in on himself. He felt guilty for yelling at Moxxie and wanted his company but he also wanted to be alone. Or dead. No, I can’t die, no matter how much I want to. Who’d take care of my family? I have to live for them. I have to survive the pain.